We’re approaching the end Jan. The beginning of 2017. And as the flurry of new-year-new-me posts have started to subside, I’ve decided to hit you with another. I may be a little behind with the whole new year re-inventions but they say it’s better late than never so here goes…
For Christmas I was super excited to get a new notebook. My levels of excitement are a little sad, I know, but god damn I do love me a bit of stationary! This awesome new notebook has a really simple design in a fun neon green with the word HAPPINESS in elegant silver text on the front.
From Paperchase if you’re interested in purchasing one of these beauties. Click!
I spent the days between Christmas and New Year trying to decide what to use this particular notebook for, and finally settled on doing exactly what it says on the tin. I’d use it as a 2017 HAPPINESS journal. Not a Dear Diary, Bridget Jones kind of thing, but a space for specific things that would help me reflect on each day.
And so on 1st January 2017 I started writing two things in my HAPPINESS notebook each day:
- What made me happy today; and
- What I struggled with today.
I didn’t want to kid myself into thinking that every day is going to be super positive and that I’d be gushing for pages like the Alec Baldwin character in Friends (if you don’t understand this reference, please educate yourself here). Some days can be pretty shitty, and that’s ok. On these days it can be very small things that make you happy even just for a moment – like a cup of tea, or a hug from a special person, or even a stranger for that matter! Writing down the things I struggle with on a day-to-day basis also kind of reminds me that I’m human. These are the things that I set out to document in this notebook – everything from the big things to the stupidly small things.
Slight diversion… go with me on this… it’ll make sense in the end.
A few weekends back I caught up with some of my lush housemates from final year at university and as we sat tucking into some delicious, and monstrously huge pancakes, I started thinking about how I was at such a different stage of my life when I lived with these beauts two whole years ago (!)
I was at uni, I was in talks to set myself up with a job, I was writing a dissertation, I was going to the gym almost every day, I was President of a society, and I was on three competing dance teams. Every morning I got up at 6am, I went to the library where I studied until 12pm, and I then had the rest of the day to do what I wanted. I hung out with friends, I went to the gym, I watched movies, I went to a dance class, I baked. I was super energetic and super motivated to win at life.
As me and my pancake-filled tummy waddled home I started to reflect on how much I’d changed. (Get ready for the pity party.) I now struggle to get up in the morning even with three snoozes. I’ve been to the gym once since the start of December. I’m behind with my studies for my Masters (which to be fair I probably should be doing now rather than writing this). I worry about not being able to afford some of my expensive spending habits, and I’m generally lacking in motivation to do anything but sit in from of the TV or my laptop watching YouTube clips of the Graham Norton show.
I know we’re not even a month in, but I decided to look back at my HAPPINESS journal, (I told you it was going to come together), and noticed that on far too many occasions for my liking I had written that I was struggling to motivate myself to do all kinds of things.
I’m stuck in a rut.
Juggling work and studying at the moment is super busy, but I feel like while I was in final year I was definitely dealing with much more than I am now.
Most nights I get home from work at about 7pm and one of us will make dinner. We sit and eat it on our laps while we watch any old crap on TV despite the fact that we have a perfectly lovely dining table. And then I get in my PJs and I go to bed. Pete then jumps out of bed in the morning (he’s much better at mornings than me) and I lounge about getting ready for work at the pace of a snail. Two years ago I would have jumped out of bed with Pete and have done a 10k run before I’d even thought about breakfast. And then go to work.
I’m not saying that spending time with Pete isn’t wonderful, because it 100% is. This rut that I’ve found myself in is most definitely personal. In the most selfish of ways, it’s all about me. It’s about me wanting to feel better, more positive, and much healthier – mentally and physically.
And so I hear by declare the delayed new-year-new-me regime commenced. From here on out, I’m making some changes and hoping it will make a positive difference to my days.
I’ll try as best I can to document my progress here, and if you have any tips, tricks, or advice let me know!